We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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