so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
