I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
