You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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