haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
