listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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