she woke up with a sticky ear
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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