Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
