Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
