i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he shaved USA in his pubs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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