TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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