Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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