so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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