dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
