I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
