it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
