that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
