i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
