I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where are you?
Hypothermia
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
