Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
