New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
