I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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