Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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