Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
