the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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