i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
