dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
