fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
