chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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