I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this just has baby written all over it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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