Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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