my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
