Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
