i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
