Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
