i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
