i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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