dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
