It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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