I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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