a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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