Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
