the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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