FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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