i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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