Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
