Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
