As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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