I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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