YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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