Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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